I have been thinking about death a lot lately. Death in my family and friends…I can’t bear the thought. There were times that I would lose sleep because of the anxiety the thought of losing one of them brings. I would rather die ahead of any of them than go through the pain of losing them. I am not being selfish here now am I?!
I just heard that one of my office mates’s been shot and is in critical condition now as I write. Although we are not that close I still feel sad for him. Situation like this makes me think and ask myself, “What if it’s me?” What would I do?!”
There was a time when I actually thought I had nothing to live for and I wished for my own death. Thinking that things would be better and this world would be happier without me around. Is that what wise people call “self-pity”?! I don’t know. It’s just that I felt so alone, hopeless and worthless.
I had my own close calls with accidents…some are fatal even. Most people would be so thankful they had been given another chance at life but not me. I was such a terrible person. Ungrateful. A couple of years back, I was pretty sure I won’t survive and that I would soon fade…
But now who would have thought that I would be here today....smiling.
I just heard that one of my office mates’s been shot and is in critical condition now as I write. Although we are not that close I still feel sad for him. Situation like this makes me think and ask myself, “What if it’s me?” What would I do?!”
There was a time when I actually thought I had nothing to live for and I wished for my own death. Thinking that things would be better and this world would be happier without me around. Is that what wise people call “self-pity”?! I don’t know. It’s just that I felt so alone, hopeless and worthless.
I had my own close calls with accidents…some are fatal even. Most people would be so thankful they had been given another chance at life but not me. I was such a terrible person. Ungrateful. A couple of years back, I was pretty sure I won’t survive and that I would soon fade…
But now who would have thought that I would be here today....smiling.
With renewed hope and faith in others. Sure I am still skeptic & terrified to trust anyone with my heart again...but now I am a couple of steps closer in changing my point of view. I will be very extra careful but I know that the negative feelings I had back then are now distant memories of my past.
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