Felix Street

You walked away but you left a glance
that tells me I should dare

But I can't understand the circumstance
left in the cold I was bare

Taking for granted, losing the last chance
We've got no time to spare

Leaving me, still my soul's in a trance
I should have known that you do care.

You'll Miss the Day I'll Die

My mind is in circles
My body's in wires
I'm feeling kinda helpless
Can't move, I'm motionless

Oh please, stay with me
Don't leave 'coz I'll grieve
This will be the last time
If you go...
You'll miss the day I'll die

I've been waiting for so long
You and I should be together
This is not happening
You're leaving, my life's fading

At last I saw you
I'm now satisfied
Mission of mine is fulfilled
Sure you really wanna leave?

No to Love

Why Am I Still Single?

I have been asked that annoying question too many times that I practically lost count. There’s this guy who checked out my friendster account before and asked the same thing…don’t you think it’s kinda off to ask that question to a perfect stranger?!

I have a lot of reasons on why I stay single and if only these people knew the hell that I’ve been through…I doubt if they would dare ask that question again!

I get the same thing every time there’s a family gathering…don’t they have better things to do than bother me with this nonsense?!

Okay so here’s my pathetic excuse…

I thought I was going to be married at a very young age…say right after finishing school. But I thought wrong. I thought my first boy friend would be my last since I always thought that we had it made, that we will soon wed. But the odds were against us that is why we had to part ways...then years had pass things got even more complicated thus sealed our fate. We can never be together…ever again!

Then the year after that incident something happened that changed my perspective in life forever…it made me so afraid to trust myself with anyone…even harder to trust myself. Imagine finding out that everything you had everything you believed in turned out to be all lies…

Bitterness…

I lived my life like a clown. Smiling, sparkling personality on the outside hiding the dark ominous cloud inside. People would come up to me and tell me that I’m very lucky since they don’t see me being troubled or bothered by the daily bullshit that life brings…that’s what they all thought. They see me as the happy girl who doesn’t have any care in the world but the next anime series that she wanted to watch…or the next record that she wanted to buy…they didn’t know of this crushing loneliness that is slowly consuming my entire being.

I chose to be single because all the things that I have been through… made me want to keep my heart with a lock and no key. I still allow myself to like someone though…but I have decided to say no to love.

Just Thinking...

I have been thinking about death a lot lately. Death in my family and friends…I can’t bear the thought. There were times that I would lose sleep because of the anxiety the thought of losing one of them brings. I would rather die ahead of any of them than go through the pain of losing them. I am not being selfish here now am I?!

I just heard that one of my office mates’s been shot and is in critical condition now as I write. Although we are not that close I still feel sad for him. Situation like this makes me think and ask myself, “What if it’s me?” What would I do?!”

There was a time when I actually thought I had nothing to live for and I wished for my own death. Thinking that things would be better and this world would be happier without me around. Is that what wise people call “self-pity”?! I don’t know. It’s just that I felt so alone, hopeless and worthless.

I had my own close calls with accidents…some are fatal even. Most people would be so thankful they had been given another chance at life but not me. I was such a terrible person. Ungrateful. A couple of years back, I was pretty sure I won’t survive and that I would soon fade…

But now who would have thought that I would be here today....smiling.

With renewed hope and faith in others. Sure I am still skeptic & terrified to trust anyone with my heart again...but now I am a couple of steps closer in changing my point of view. I will be very extra careful but I know that the negative feelings I had back then are now distant memories of my past.

Season of Fireworks

I’m not talking about the Taiwanese boy band’s song…

Today is Makati Day and the fireworks display coming from all the Barangays around the City is ongoing as I write. There was a time that I couldn’t bear to watch the beautiful display of mankind’s ingenuity and terrible way of wasting a huge amount of money. That was when my ex & I broke up. The break up was not tragic at all…we both decided to move on since it’s never going to work between the two of us.

Now where do the fireworks fit in to my little trip down memory lane? I love fireworks…I love watching the beautiful lights it creates up in the night sky. When I was younger I used to dream of watching that beauty under a starry sky with the one I love…he (my ex) made my wish come true. Wrapped around his loving arms I enjoyed the beauty of that moment…a moment that I thought would last forever…time made me realize how foolish that was.

After a couple of years later…here I am standing alone under the starry night sky watching the spectacular fireworks display with a smile on my face. I’m not smiling because I’m doing well and I heard that he’s not.

I’m smiling because I am able to enjoy the beauty of fireworks once again…minus the tears, sad and painful memories... …smiling because I have found a new set of friends, people I could talk to… …watching the fireworks, thinking of someone else…someone who brings a new reason for me to smile… (Though he could really make me sad sometimes)

Come to think of it…my ex & I watched the fireworks on the same night just a couple of years back…